Never Once

"Scars and struggles on the way 

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say.. 

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful 

You are faithful, God, You are faithful"

This song, "Never Once," by One Sonic Society is a great summary of what has been going on in my heart as I begin to reflect on 2014.

At the beginning of every year I always wonder what God has in store for that year.  There is always anticipation as I think about all the potential an entire year has.  As I began 2014, my thinking was no different, but instead of the year of blessing and 'immeasurably more' that 2013 was, 2014 threw many unexpected curveballs my way.

2014 has been a year where it seems like there has been one valley after another.  Smacking my head on ice at the end of 2013 that lead to ongoing concussion symptoms.  Extended family members dealing with severe health crises.  My grandma unexpectedly admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with cancer.  Instances where "iron sharpens iron" (Proverbs 27:17) felt literal and where friendships were tested deeply.  And finally, the loss of the family dog that, even though I am not an animal lover, hit hard because as my one friend told me, it's been a season of loss in my life...not necessarily literal, but the fear of it has been.

One valley after another.

Yet, looking back on everything this year has brought, honestly, I wouldn't change any of it.  The fear was very real.  The pain and tears cried were immense.  But, sometimes it takes going through the fire to be refined and, by the grace of God, we can come out stronger.

At times, it felt like this year was draining me.  However, a couple weeks ago I came to a place of being in awe of God's faithfulness.  Never once did He leave my side.  Never once did He leave my family's side.  He didn't leave us alone, and He never will!  And, as a tangible expression of His love, He put so many people in my life who have stood by my side through everything this year has brought my way.  He is truly faithful!

Life is not without struggles...we are living in a broken world, and therefore we will be subjected to the effects that sin brings.  BUT, the crazy, amazing thing is that because of Jesus, we never will be alone.  Because of Jesus, no matter comes our way, we will come through and have a powerful testimony of the goodness, faithfulness, and grace of our God.  Because of Jesus!  Without Jesus, all these struggles would've felt hopeless.  BUT, with Jesus there is always hope!  That's what the Christmas season is about.  That's what life is about.  Without Jesus, there is no purpose, BUT with Jesus there is purpose as we walk in intimate relationship with Him.

Be encouraged!  No matter what your year has been like...whether you've been on the mountaintop or in the deepest, darkest, and scariest valley...know that Jesus is ALWAYS with you!  He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.  Just call out His Name!  You are LOVED!

Open Up, Breathe In, And Let God Do His Thing

"Take a deep breath.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in again.  I am healed!  Really, truly 100% healed!"

Those were the words running around in my head a little over a year ago that brought a giant smile to my face.  God is SOOO good!

Fast forward to Fall 2010.  I had just moved to Saskatchewan from BC.  Only a few short weeks after arriving, I started having trouble breathing.  At first I didn't realize what the cause may be, so I just pushed through it, while struggling with bouts of shortness of breath.  2011 rolled around, and the same thing happened.  I put two and two together and realized it was a result of the harvest season.  Despite the fact that my allergies were slightly worse than the year before, I pushed through again.  And again in 2012.  By 2013, dealing with breathing issues during harvest time had become the norm for me.  But, each year I struggled more and more.  It got to the point where I knew I couldn't push through it anymore and so I would have to give in and go to the doctor for medical intervention...something I had been avoiding as I did not want to be bothered with having an inhaler.

BUT, God is good, and like so many times in my life, when I thought I had reached my breaking point He intervened.

A few months prior I had met a friend who encouraged me to get involved in a community group at my church.  I started getting involved, and as a result I got connected with a small handful of people who I was learning to trust and be real with.  Without that, I would not have been so open and vulnerable to share anything with them.  I'm a reserved type of person who generally keeps everything to myself.  Everything.  But, with the help and encouragement of my newfound friends, I began to slowly open up.  I got to the point where I felt free to start sharing my life with them, and therefore I was able to share about my struggle to simply just breathe.

I'll never forget the day I opened up.  Up until that point only my family knew of my struggle, and there was no way I wanted anyone else to find out.  As I opened up, my friend K prayed for me.  Honestly, it was a simple prayer, not much different from the many prayers my parents had prayed with me over the years.  Yet, despite the fact that I didn't feel something initially, I was touched by her willingness to pray, and through it all God did something incredible.

It wasn't until a few days later when I went on an elliptical.  I had been on it the day before K prayed for me, and I had to go as slow as I possibly could and my lungs still burned.  I didn't want to let my shortness of breath keep me from being active, so I had resolved to go on it no matter how slow I had to go.  So, back on it I went.  I had my music going and was walking along when I suddenly realized that my numbers were way better than a few days prior.  My lungs didn't hurt either.  The next song that came on was "God's Great Dance Floor" by Chris Tomlin, and I began to run faster and faster.  A smile filled my face as I sang, or more like shouted, "I feel alive, I come alive, I am alive on God's great dance floor."  Another song I happened to be listening to says "I have life.  I can breathe.  I am healed.  I am free" (Here's My Heart by David Crowder).  I truly was alive.  There was breath in my lungs.  I could breathe!  I was free!  I could enjoy life without struggling for my next breath, without being afraid of being tied to medication for the rest of my life.  I ran as fast as I could, marvelling in the goodness of God!  He healed me!

Here I am a year after that momentous day, and recently I realized that I've hit the one year mark without any pain or shortness of breath.  I've made it through this years harvest season without a single breathing struggle.  God is good!  SOO good!

Recently, God did another healing miracle in my life, and reflecting on this day has shown me a lot of parallels with my heart both then and now.  I know God heals.  I've known that my entire life, and I've seen too much to not believe.  Yet, like most, sometimes I wonder why I can ask for something in prayer and God doesn't seem to be answering.  Why did my parents and myself pray over and over again for breath to come easily to me, but those prayers didn't seem to be answered?  Why did my parents and myself once again pray for healing for concussion symptoms I had in August, and again they were not answered?  And why did I happen to be prayed for by the same friend both times and I was instantly healed?  God does not show favouritism, so it has nothing to do with me, or my parents, or my friend.

I've come to the realization about the importance of community and about the condition of the heart.  God brings people in our lives for various reasons, and we have to be open to receiving that.  I know I've failed a lot in that area, with August being the a huge eyeopener to the reality that while I may try to build walls to prevent others from coming in or to protect myself from getting hurt, if God has brought someone into my life I better just accept that and not resist.  See, last year when I finally opened myself up and reached a place where I could be vulnerable with others, that's when pride fell and God was able to minister the way He intended to all along...there weren't walls up trying to control how He could work in my life.  I was open.  Again, in August, I had to reach a point of opening up to my friend and break down the walls I was trying to build to prevent me from getting hurt.  It was only when I opened up that once again I gave up control to allow God to use the people in my life to be extensions of His love, healing, and grace to me.  Every single person on the planet has people put in place in their life because God put them there.  That's what community is.  My friend in both of these instances, as well as all the other friends God has brought into my life are there on purpose.  They are not in my life by accident.  God put them there because He knew I needed what they bring to my life.  I have to choose to remain open to that reality, and as a result, God is able to use the giftings that He has given to each one of them to the fullest, and the same is for me in the lives God has put me in.  We all need each other.  To quote another song that has been impacting me lately "Through trouble, rain, or fire let’s reach out to something higher.  Ain’t no life outside each other.  We are not alone...we're not meant to live this life alone" (No Man Is An Island by Tenth Avenue North).