Joy > Loss

"To enjoy life is to find the joy in the midst of the curveballs thrown at you while being grateful for the lessons they taught you. They are unpredictable and try to slow you down, but God in His grace and mercy will always be there to sustain you."

These words came to me as I looked back at a picture from the summer...a picture that paints a two sided story: Both joy and sorrow combined.

As I looked at it and remembered the exact moment it was taken, I couldn't help but thinking about my year.  I couldn't help but think about the curveballs thrown my way.  I couldn't help but think about the way I've grown and the lessons I've learned.  And most of all, I couldn't help but think about how God's been taking me on a journey of learning how to be thankful and joyful in the midst of the storm.  Like the well known saying says "Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain."  That's been my year.

2015 has been the exact opposite of what I envisioned it to be.  Honestly, if I could sum it up in one word, it's been a year of loss.  

It's been a year of experiencing more death, cancer, sickness, and pain than I could've ever imagined 365 days could possibly hold.  But, that was my year.  I felt like Job may have felt as he watched the life he knew crumble before his eyes.  Yet, where the enemy tried so hard to steal, kill, and destroy, God has breathed in life.

In the midst of loss, it's okay to hurt and grieve.  It's okay to question the reasons why.  However, since God is Lord and Sovereign, He knows exactly where we are at, and He is faithful to sustain us.  To our human, finite, mind, it's hard to comprehend how it is possible to have joy in the midst of pain.  Yet, God is so faithful.  If there is one thing I've learned this year it's that no matter what we face in life, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.  

I've learned that instead of focusing on the negative and worrying about what's to come, I should instead praise Him for what He has already done.  I've learned to thank Him for the moments I've spent with those in my life who the loss affects.  I've learned to thank Him for the ability to remember specific memories.  I've learned to thank Him for the lessons I've learned in the midst of the pain.  I've learned to thank Him for how I've seen greater depths of His character.  

Does being thankful change the situation?  No way.  But, it does take our perspective off of where we are at and put it back on Jesus.  By choosing to fix our eyes upon Jesus instead of whatever we may be facing, it is possible to experience true joy no matter what.  

As we enter into Christmas next year and soon after close out 2015, I pray that we will remember that our Lord Jesus Christ, who came to earth to redeem us, is the King of kings and Lord of lords.  He is exactly who He says He is.  He is faithful.  And, if we fix our eyes upon Jesus, we will be reminded that no matter what storms we face in life that He is greater.  He has already won the battle over death, cancer, and sickness.  Though we live in a broken world where we will experience storms and trials that look hopeless and devastating, when we fix our eyes upon Jesus and see His nature and character we will be reminded that there is so much more than we can comprehend.  So, I encourage you that no matter what your year has held, that you make a conscious decision to fix your eyes on Jesus and to thank Him for the things He has done.  He will sustain you.

Wake Up, O Sleeper

As the election results roll in, and solidify what appears to be a Liberal majority, there are a few thoughts to be shared.

My heart breaks when I think about these results.  My heart breaks for my nation...the beautiful nation of Canada.  It breaks because these results show just how far we as a nation have fallen from valuing what is righteous and Godly.

Throughout the campaign period, there were two things very clear.  This was not just an average election of voting for who would guide the country from a political standpoint.  Instead, this was an election about holding onto our ability to have a free country where freedom to serve Jesus publicly and live according to our conscience was preserved.  It was an election about what would set the stage for the very direction our country would head in spiritually.

However, despite the disappointing results, one thing is clear.  God is not done with Canada.  And, despite the fact that the results are not what I expected or what I wanted, God is stirring up anticipation in me.

Could it be that this is what God designed and planned all along?  After all, thousands of people around Canada and the world have been praying specifically for this election.  Prophetic words were spoken and were very specifically about today.  So, could it be that this is the start to the wave of restoration and revival that we have been crying out for?  The circumstances seem grim, but I know that my God is FAITHFUL.

The moment I heard the words "Liberal majority" my heart sunk, yet my spirit rose in urgency within me.  The Church must rise up.  We must awake from our slumber.  Obviously we have been sleeping for far too long if the country has "voted for change", which in turn is for a party who supports everything contrary to the Word of God.

Will we take this new government, knowing the potential for persecution and demoralization, and begin to seek the very face of God asking Him to change hearts?  Will we look beyond what is staring us in the face in terms of election 'promises' and ask God to raise up a Godly government?

See, God is powerful.  He is mighty.  He hears the cry of our hearts.  And His word says that if we will humble ourselves and pray, and seek His face, and turn from our wicked ways, then He will hear from heaven, forgive us our sins, and heal our land (2 Chronicles 7:14).  Will we take the lesson learned from these election results and humble ourselves before the Lord, asking Him to forgive us from the sins we have committed against him, both as a nation and personally?  Will we rise up and become the men and women God designed us as the Body of Christ to be?  Full of His power?  Will we awaken to the things that are truly important instead of being caught up in what does not have eternal value?

My heart breaks because I see.  I see people all throughout our nation who are lost.  Who are deceived.  Who are searching so hard for something different...for change.  Are we going to rise up as the Body of Christ and show them that the only change they need is found in no longer living for themselves, but rather in living for Jesus Christ?  Are we going to take a stand and live out our faith instead of keeping it hidden?  Are we going to wake up to the reality that millions of people in our backyard are dying and going to hell if we don't live as light in the darkness?  Are we?

Maybe, just maybe, that's what this election is about.  Maybe we prayed for something specific, but God, as He always does, knows better than we do.

I'm so thankful that we had a godly Prime Minister who stood for morality and supported Israel.  I'm thankful for everything he did while in office.  Was he perfect, no.  Did every decision that was made resonate with every aspect of our country, no.  But, we need to look beyond that and realize that just like you and I, he is human.  He can't please everyone.  He couldn't even lead without the Lord by his side...because honestly, if you put yourself in his shoes, would you have been perfect as he was expected to be?  No.  So, no matter your political stance, be thankful for the years we had a government in place who sought the Lord and who supported Israel.  Just be thankful.

However, now as the government changes, we also have to honour this government, because the Bible tells us to honour rulers and government.  Obviously God has a plan for this new season Canada is now in.  And, like I said, just maybe, this is God's wake up call to the Church.  A call to rise up.  A call to awaken.  A call to stand for truth and righteousness.  A call to dig deeper in His word, in prayer, and to be unified as a Body.  If we can do that, I believe this nation will shift.  If we can begin to humble ourselves and commit to praying on behalf of our government, our leaders, and our fellow Canadians, God is going to show up in a powerful way and hundreds, thousands, and millions will be saved.

I've been challenged and convicted.  Will you join me?  Will you choose to arise and be a vessel for God to work in and through you to see this nation transformed?  Canada needs it...and God is calling His people to rise.

Equipped to Invest: Embracing Our Role In Kingdom Expansion

Have you ever stopped to think about the story in Luke 21 about the woman who gave all she had to the Lord?  The woman, who only gave two small coins, yet was esteemed above those who gave several out of their wealth?

If all she had was two small coins, why would she give them both to the Lord?  What would she have to live from if that truly was all she had?  She could’ve just said “Lord, next time I have extra, I’ll give double.” The Lord knew her heart, and I’m sure He would’ve understood that she was willing, but in order to survive she had to withhold her offering for the time being.  However, she didn’t.  She was obedient to do as He asked of her.

How often do we withhold from the Lord what He has asked of us?  How many times have we been tight financially, and as the offering bucket passes by at church we inwardly tell God “next time”?  Though the intent of our heart may be pure, it is so easy for “next time” to turn into another “next time” as bills are unending, coffee and lunch dates unplanned, and one significant purchase turns into the next.  How many times do we hear stories of missionaries doing God’s work both in our own cities and around the world, and our hearts burn with a desire to do something?  Yet, when the pledge cards are handed out, again we tell the Lord “next time,” waiting until a more ‘opportune’ time in our life when we are financially in a better place.

I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we’ve all been there.  I’ve been there.  More times than I’d like to admit.

I get that we can’t support everyone and every cause, however we each have a part to play in expanding the Kingdom of God on this earth.

My heart is for missions.  For as long as I can remember I’ve had a desire to do something that would allow me to tell people about Jesus for a living.  From wanting to be a Children’s Pastor, to a ‘famous’ singer, to leading short-term mission trips, my heart was always the same.  I want everyone to know about how much Jesus loves them.  I want them to experience the joy of a personal relationship with Him.  I want to see captives free, blind eyes open, lame walk, deaf ears hear, hearts transformed, and in turn, I want to see those very people begin to take the Love of Christ everywhere they go, so that their circle of influence would be touched for Jesus.

However, currently, God has me in a different path in life.  One that at times I’ve struggled with as I’ve yearned to be doing ‘more’ for His purposes.  I sit in an office every weekday, doing something I enjoy, but I’m not on the frontlines of ministry like I imagined over the years.  Yet, God’s been showing me that my place is vital to expanding His work around the world. 

You see, I may not be on the frontlines, but God has strategically handed me resources that are necessary to equip the frontline workers to be effective in the purposes God has for them.

As Christians, we have the resource of prayer.  Prayer is an essential resource for the spiritual battle we all face.  It is necessary for us to lift ministries and ministers of the Gospel up in prayer because the enemy will try to bring discouragement and attacks in various forms as he does not want to see the Gospel spread as lives are transformed for Jesus.

Another resource we have is finances.  It may be one dollar.  It may be one hundred.  Each one has been given something, so what are we going to do with that resource?  Years ago God began to show me the importance of giving now, instead of waiting for a better time in my life. 

Throughout my teenage years, I had always desired to have a sponsor child, but between being in high school or university, without a steady income and tuition and bills to pay, I didn’t ever feel like I was in a place where I had the confidence that I would be able to sponsor a child long term.  So, year after year, I would tell God that when I was done school and had a permanent job I would.  However, one day God spoke to me so clearly and I realized that there never will be an opportune financial time in my life because once tuition was paid, there would be a mortgage, a wedding, children, new vehicles…one major expense after the next.  I would never be without something to put my money towards.  If I would ever invest into another life for Kingdom purposes, now was the best time to start…because a life I can support today means one more life changed forever.  If I held off, my little sponsor child may have had another sponsor, but two things would’ve occurred in the process.  The first is that only one life would be touched instead of two.  The second is that I would’ve missed out on God’s blessing that comes in walking in obedience.

1 Corinthians 8:3-4 talks about the giving of the Macedonian church and Paul says "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints."  Wow.  The Macedonian church got it.  When we give of what we have to a ministry or a missionary, we are partnering with them as they expand the Kingdom of God.  They need us, but we also need them.  Later on in 1 Corinthians 8:14, it says "At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need..." We all need one another to effectively spread the good news about the saving power and grace of Jesus Christ.  We can't do it alone.  

I've been challenged recently to be intentional about the resources God has provided to me, so that I can invest it into the work He is doing around the world.  I may sit in an office five days a week, but as I invest in the missions work, and missionaries that I know, my time sitting in an office chair is not wasted.  Work is being done.  The love of Jesus is being spread.  Lives are being transformed.  Captives are being freed, blind eyes are seeing, the lame are walking, deaf ears are being opened, hearts are being transformed, and lives will never be the same.  

Just as I've been challenged, I challenge you.  Ask God what your part is in expanding His Kingdom.  Maybe it's being on the frontline.  Maybe it's spending time in prayer for a specific ministry or person you know.  Maybe it's giving of your finances so that someone you know can operate in the full time ministry God has called them too.  Whatever it is, God has a part for you to play.  We can't do this alone.  None of us can.  We need one another as we each do our part in the Body of Christ.   

From Hopeless to Hope-filled

Have you ever faced a situation that has seemed completely hopeless?  A situation that seems so dead that it makes your heart ache when you try to dream of what you wish or pray could be, but it just seems so useless?

If you have lived for any length of time, I'm sure you've experienced this feeling at least once so far in your lifetime.

I have experienced many situations like this...where my heart aches as I cry out to God with tears streaming down my face, my heart pounding in desperation, pleading with Him to help me understand why my hundreds of prayers are not being answered.  In those moments, all I feel is complete helplessness, as naturally I know there is absolutely nothing that I can do to turn the situation around, and all my mind is begging of me is to let go and move on.

Maybe you can relate.

However, in those moments, I can't let go and move on, because despite the hopelessness that engulfs me, there is something in me that knows I have to press through and keep on trusting and believing in the One who is faithful in everything.  I just have to keep on reminding myself...NEVER give up...keep trusting Jesus, because He knows the situation better than I do, and He knows EXACTLY what He is doing.  I may not bee able to see what He is doing, but I have to have faith that He is doing something.

It's just like this picture...

In the early spring, I accidentally forgot this orchid plant outside overnight and it experienced major frost damage.  One by one the leaves and roots shrivelled up and died.  Well, all except 2 roots and half of one leaf.  I couldn't bear to throw it out unless I knew that it was completely dead...but I had no way of knowing if it would eventually come back or not.  I just had to keep on watering it, putting it in the sunshine, and persevering, despite the outward appearance of it being dead, damaged, and too far gone.

Yesterday, I noticed this new little shoot growing at the base of the damaged orchid plant.  New growth.  New life.

In that moment, God showed me how this plant is so much like life.  Just as I didn't see the growth occurring under the soil of my plant, we can't see what He is doing in the depths of someone's heart.  It gave me so much hope and encouragement as I stood there revelling in His goodness.

The situations I face in life that seem hopeless and dead have hope after all...hope because God cares and has everything in His hands.

A smile filled my face, and tears welled up in my eyes as I began to think of the day I will see a shoot of new life spring forth in the situations I am pleading with God for.  I was so excited to see this shoot on my orchid plant, and I know that what I felt is nothing compared to the joy that will fill my heart when I see the answers to the many prayers I've been praying.  I know that when I see the answers to my prayers, every tear and every moment where my heart ached will be worth it because that is the day a prodigal will have run home to Jesus.  I can't see it right now, but I have hope because God is faithful.

I don't know what you may be facing today, or if you are in the midst of one of these dry, seemingly dead, hopeless situations; however I do know that God knows and that He is working beyond what you can see in this present moment.  Be encouraged, and keep on pressing on and trusting that what He began, He will finish.  He is good.  Always.

Testimony of God's Goodness

A few days ago I was at a testimony sharing night and as I sat there listening, I began to wonder what my testimony consisted of.

I grew up in a Christian home, gave my life to Jesus on my 5th birthday, and have never looked back.  Far too often I have felt like I don't have a testimony because the main components of a testimony are so simple for me.  However, as I sat there listening to others share, and as I asked God how the pieces of my life fit into a 'testimony' format, I realized that my testimony over the past few years is relational.  It doesn't fit the 'stereotype testimony' of my life before Jesus, but rather, what is He doing in my life now to mould and shape me.  

Relationships are extremely important to me.  However, they are something that I've struggled with a lot.  Growing up with my dad as a pastor, we moved around a few times...maybe not as much as some have, but for me it was a lot and was extremely difficult.  It meant starting over.  Trying to make new friends.  Trying to fit in, despite my quietness and timidity.  It wasn't easy, and every time I felt like I had just begun to settle in and feel at home, we would move again, or life would change as people would walk out of my life for various reasons...changing churches, new seasons of life, moving... For someone who is so relational, it meant a lot of hurt and heartache.  It meant starting over again.  

I could write so much about that season of my life, but to condense it and not lose the ultimate purpose of my life story, I will cut it short.

Ever since grade 7 I had prayed on and off for a good, solid, Jesus loving friend who would be someone who I could be real with and who would be like a sister to me...a dear best friend.  I've had so many friends over the years, but through all the hurt that I went through, my heart longed for that friend...a sisterchick (from the Robin Jones Gunn books I read growing up).  

In 2012 I gave up on that prayer.  I figured, after 10ish years of praying, that God just didn't have in mind for me to have that friend.  The crazy thing is that when we let go of our burdens, God comes in and does far more than we could ever dream.

I write all this today because today is the Sunday that my life changed 2 years ago.  It was actually May 19, 2013, but would've been on this Sunday.  

I've wondered how what happened that day could be part of my testimony, but looking back it truly is...because God used that day to change my life forever.  I don't recognize who I was 2 years ago, and I'm thankful for that.  

That day I went to a Holy Spirit night at my church, after debating whether to go or not.  I went, but was so isolated and hurt that I did not want to associate with the young adult group at my church.  God's funny though, because my parents ended up praying for a girl I had never seen before, my mom did something she's never done before and introduced me to her, we got talking and this 'new girl' invited me to hang out with the young adults afterwards...the very thing I was trying to avoid that night...I went, and when I went to bed that night I had no clue that God had just answered my decade long prayer.

I don't like to single out people or give names, but I feel that today, to give God the glory for what He did, and to honour my friend, I just want to say that I am so blessed, and so overwhelmed that God brought my best friend K into my life.  Without a shadow of a doubt I know that I would not be who I am today if I hadn't met her that night 2 years ago.  She truly is my sister, my best friend, and someone who has encouraged me so much to go deeper in my walk with Jesus.  She has been so gracious to me in the moments when I have failed tremendously and have had to figure out what friendship means.  She has been someone who I have been free to be real with in the good times and the most difficult moments of my life.  She is a treasure.  

So, Kristen, from the bottom of my heart, I just want to honour you for letting God work through you in my life.  God uses different avenues to work in people's lives, and for me, He chose to use you in my story.  I've told you many times that you are a gift to me, and today I just want to publicly acknowledge that because of how much God has used you to bless and encourage me.  I love you so much my dear friend and sister!!  I'm beyond thankful for you and I look so forward to continuing to see God's mighty plans for your life!!  

So, my story might not look like an 'average testimony' consisting of a crazy salvation story.  My testimony is a story of God's goodness, God's grace, God's faithfulness, and His desire to do immeasurably more in our lives than anything we could ever ask or imagine.  That's my story and I pray that as I grow in Jesus more and more each day, with each moment God gives me on this earth, that others will see Him at work and that they will experience the overflow of who He is and the mighty plans that He has for each and every one of us!  

If My People...

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." ~2 Chronicles 7:14

Prayer is important.  It is vital.  It is communication with Almighty God, the Creator, the Sustainer, the Giver of Life.  Without prayer, we are trying to do things in our own strength, thinking that we have what it takes to do life on our own.  

Prayer changes things.  It moves mountains.  It moves God's heart.

I tend to be a political person when things of great importance come up.  Such is the case when I heard today that the Supreme Court of Canada ruled for prayer to no longer be allowed in city council meetings in a Quebec town, prompting Regina city council to suspend prayer as well. (see Global News article).  This is a very sad day for Canada.

I've seen in my own life how powerful prayer is.  From huge life changing moments like witnessing visible miracles, changed hearts, cancer battles won, and major heart attacks leaving no evidence behind; to smaller everyday things like healed headaches, peace when writing exams, being guarded from car accidents, the list goes on.  I've seen too many answers to prayers to believe otherwise...prayer is essential because it is communication with God the Father.

It breaks me to hear that just as prayer was taken out of schools years ago, that the Supreme Court is now trying to rule to take it out of city councils...the very place where decisions are made for each city and town in the country.  This is serious.

However, God is not limited to only hearing the prayers of those in leadership.  God desires to hear our prayers.  Every single one of us.  In 2 Chronicles it says "If my people, who are called by my name..."  That's you.  That's me.  We are called to pray.  We are called to lift up leadership, especially in moments like this.  God listens to our prayers...and when WE pray, He HEARS, and He HEALS, and He RESTORES, and He will do the IMPOSSIBLE.  When we pray.

I had a conversation a couple weeks ago with some friends surrounding federal politics.  A sentence popped out of my mouth, and it hit me hard.  I told them we need to pray for those leading our country (and province, and municipality) more than we do.  They need us to lift them before God.  They need us to pray that they will make right and godly decisions.  

I encourage each one of us to take up the challenge.  I encourage us to rally around our politicians and around the judges in our country.  I encourage us to pray for them.  We may not have the power to stand up as a Supreme Court judge to vote to keep prayer in our city councils, but we can pray that they have the courage to do so.  And believe me, when we pray and take initiative, incredible things happen!!  We saw that in January and again in March when Regina city council voted against a strip club, which then led to the province reversing a law so that alcohol is no longer legal to serve in strip clubs in the province.  God is good!!!!  

So, please commit to praying with me for those with significant leadership in our country.  Prayer can move mountains, so let's see God move some mountains in Canada!!!  

Too Young: A Life Cut Short

Shock.  Disbelief.  Sadness.

That is what I felt the moment I heard word that one of my sisters' childhood best friends passed away last week.  Too young.  To fast.  Her whole life was still ahead of her.

Tragedy has a way of putting life on hold.  All the busyness, all the distractions, they all fade away as all you can see in front of you is reality.  We do not know what tomorrow holds.  We do not know how long our lives will be.  It is here for a moment, and then just like that it can be taken away...no matter how old you are.

Tragedy also has a way of re-prioritizing life.  All the busyness, and all the distractions, really everything that 'seems' important, really no longer is.  Instead, the thoughts that run through your mind are "Did I take time for the people around me today?  Did I let them know how much they mean to me?  Was I faithful to what God asked of me today?  Did my life reflect Jesus to those I crossed paths with today?"  And, the thoughts that usually enter our minds so easily that say "Did I get such and such done today?  Life is so busy, I will talk to so and so tomorrow... I'm too busy, to make plans to spend time with so and so right now, so I'll wait until life slows down."  Those thoughts become pointless and have no value.

People are what matter.  Life is what matters.  Nothing else in this world matters.

We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Life is too fragile to take it for granted.  To expect it to be there when we need it to be.  Life isn't going to slow down...it's only going to speed up.  The distractions aren't going to go away...new ones will always come.  Yet, in the midst of what life on Earth looks like, we have to make a conscious decision to place value on the lives along the journey.  To stop for the one...One smile could change a life forever.  To take time for our family and friends, even if it means some of the other 'pressing things' in life have to take a backseat.  To live every moment as if it was our last.

Tragedy also causes each one to stop and think about eternity.  Will it be spent with Jesus in Heaven? Or will it be spent in hell?

My prayer is that as tears are sown because of this tragedy, that those seeds of tears will reap an abundant harvest for Jesus.  That life will be taken more seriously.  That souls will be forever saved.  That the lost who we have been praying for for so long will come running home...running into the arms of Jesus.  That families will be mended.  That the bondage of lies will be broken.  That what was intended for evil, will become so powerful for the Kingdom of God.  Amen.

Injection of Offence: Stopped In Its Tracks

For my birthday last week I received "Sparkling Gems From The Greek" by Rick Renner.  It's a book that has 365 days of Greek word studies on verses in the Bible.  It is AMAZING.  Probably my favourite Bible study tool I've ever used because it takes one verse per day and breaks it down, showing that there is so much more to a verse than what meets the eye.  Seriously, I love it!!!

Yesterday, as I was reading it, the verse was on a verse that I've read before, but I kind of skimmed over every time I've read it.

John 13:2 "The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus." (NIV)

In the KJV it says "And supper being ended, the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him."

The book uses the KJV since Strong's concordance uses the KJV.  Personally, I prefer more modern versions like the NIV so I can understand it, but both are very clear.  Satan had put it in Judas's heart to betray Jesus...his friend.

In the devotional it talks about how the moment when Judas opened up his heart to thoughts of betraying Jesus could've been in John 12:3-7 when Judas disagreed with Jesus about Mary's choice to anoint Jesus's feet with expensive perfume.  We don't know 100% for certain when that moment was, but we do know this: a door was opened into Judas's heart at some point where he allowed himself to entertain the enemy's agenda.

The devotional explains that the phrase "put into" is the Greek word "ballo", which means "to throw, to cast, to thrust, or to inject."  So, when Satan "put into" Judas's heart the idea of betraying Jesus, he threw, cast, thrusted, and injected division into Judas's heart.

Over the years I've heard versions of "don't have any open doors to the enemy in your life."  Open doors can come in many forms.  Through obvious forms such as what we watch on TV, the type of music we listen to, what we browse on the internet.  However, there are some not so obvious forms, such as disagreements that lead to offences, hurts that fester into contaminated wounds, words that are spoken that lead to confusion and insecurity...really, anything that tampers with our emotions in a negative manner could potentially open the door for Satan to throw his thoughts into our hearts.  Once our minds and hearts entertain those thoughts long enough, our vision gets hazy and we no longer can see the big picture of God's heart clearly.

By allowing a disagreement or offence to take root in his heart, Judas opened a door to a swift arrow of the enemy to be shot inside.  It only takes a moment of weakness, when we are off guard, for that arrow to be embedded into our heart and mind.

Just a brief moment.

Reading this put some things into perspective for me.  And in order to explain, I'm going to be very real and vulnerable.  My prayer is that just as I've come to recognize the deception of the enemy that has attempted to bring division and betrayal, that you too will recognize it and stop him in his tracks in the future.  He has no power, Jesus has already won the victory, so it is important for us to walk securely in the victory of Christ.

I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes, and unfortunately I've been a target for Satan's fiery dart to be injected into me...without even realizing it.

It's been a very long 3 months in this year so far.  There have been more hurts, division, and offences than I'd like to even think of...but they've been there.  Initially, it was brought up by one misunderstanding that led to an offence against me.  An apology was made and although I thought I had forgiven, I truly hadn't.  I 'accepted' the apology, but didn't shut the door to the hurt that I had been exposed to.  That led to more hurt, bitterness, anger, and frustration as I tried to mend my friendship, but unknowingly I was probably contributing to the issues at hand.  I couldn't figure out why there was so much distance and why the friendship felt like it was failing.  Long story short, but God revealed to me one day that I had to forgive the person where the issue originated from, and then I had to also forgive my best friend for the offence she took against me and I also had apologize for not fully forgiving her in the first place.  I had allowed the offence that I had taken to grow into something ugly.  But, God is good and when we act in obedience according to His will, even the most difficult things fall into place.

Things weren't immediately great after my friend's and my 'apology/forgiveness' talk.  But, in the few weeks since then, I've seen the door on distance and offence close.  I've seen God bring healing like I didn't think possible.  I feel free.  And, the coolest thing is that the glasses of hurt, brokenness, and offence that I had been looking at my friend with have come off.  She literally looks different now.  Completely different now.  It's the weirdest, yet coolest thing to experience!!  God is good!!

None of us are perfect, not even the 'best' of us are perfect, and so we will face situations where the enemy will try to distract us by whispering thoughts of division into our hearts and minds.  In order to walk in the amazing plans that God has for each of us, we must guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:7).  We must keep the doors of our hearts and minds closed from the fiery darts of the enemy.  And, if the door happens to be open in a moment of weakness, don't delay in admitting the mistake and asking for forgiveness because God's grace is more than enough to help us on our journey as we strive to be more like Christ to a world that needs to know Him!

In The Midst Of The Storm

"The last thing someone wants to hear are the words “I have to tell you something…” and you know what is about to be said will bring you to tears and break your heart.  The last thing someone wants to hear are the words sick, terminal, and cancer.

I thank God that He is so faithful.  I thank God that He is good, in all things.  And I thank God that no matter the storm that seems to be coming our way, that He will never leave nor forsake us.  He is for us, not against us.  And nothing that comes against us will prosper."  From my journal, March 2, 2014

365 days ago, on March 2, 2014 my mom and I made a trip to see my Grandma who had unexpectedly been admitted to the hospital a few days prior.  Obviously we knew something was going on with my Grandma's health, but as far as we were concerned, they were going to be doing a few tests, they knew nothing yet, and we were just going to visit and encourage her and my Grandpa.

Sitting in the conservatory that day, just my mom and I with my Grandparents, my Grandma said "I have to tell you something..." and immediately tears filled my eyes because I knew something was about to be said that would change my life...change my family.

As she spoke the words referring to cancer testing, uncertainty about the stage or severity of the prognosis, not knowing if she would be strong enough or well enough to be at my sister's wedding later that year...it was all so terrifying to think about.

My mom and I drove the 2 hours home stunned and trying to absorb what we heard, knowing that when we got home we would have to tell the rest of the family.

That was 365 days ago.  So much has happened since then, but one thing has remained constant.

The second paragraph in my journal entry from last year focused on who God is.  When storms come, and they will, it is so easy to be taken off course.  It is so easy to let fear overtake you.  It is so easy to forget about the good promises of God when everything around you looks like it is crumbling.  But, God NEVER fails.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He is faithful.

See, one year ago sitting in that hospital room, we didn't know what life would look like for my Grandma.  By the grace of God she is doing incredible!  She made it through chemo, a stem cell transplant, and is now in maintenance mode.  She has regained a lot of strength, and is doing remarkable.  I know that isn't the story for many who go through cancer, but that's her story.

Being one year removed from that day in the hospital brings tears to my eyes.  I know that if things had turned out differently, that God still would be good.  He still would be faithful.  He still would be for us and not against us.  He still would've used all things for His glory.  I don't sit here today saying He is good because of the outcome of the journey my Grandma has been on.  I sit here today saying God is good because that is who He IS.  This past year has had some terrifying experiences.  It was a roller coaster of ups and downs.  But, despite it all, God has been there in everything.

I want to encourage you today that whatever you are facing that may seem like an insurmountable mountain, just look to Jesus.  It might be hard.  It was for me at times to think about how God could bring something good from the pain my family was in, but trust me, it is worth it.  If you keep your eyes upon Jesus, things of this world that are overwhelming will become bearable because you will know that Jesus cares about us all more than we could ever comprehend.  And, look to the people around you, the Christian friends and family that you have.  God gave me a support system of friends, 4 in particular, who I would text, talk to, and even tear up on occasion with, and they stood by my side, upholding me in prayer when I couldn't stand anymore.  The journey wasn't easy, but by the grace of God He brought me through as I leaned on Him and learned to trust and thank Him for my 4 friends who showed me the goodness of Christ in the midst of the storm.

"I thank God that He is so faithful.  I thank God that He is good, in all things."

In all things, He is good. Amen.

So Much More Than "Valentine's Day"

Valentine's Day.  The day of love.

For those who are married, engaged, dating, or have their eye on someone special, today is a celebration.  A celebration of the reality that they have someone special in their life that they get to spend the day showing their love and appreciation for.

For those who are single, it is a day that revolves around two realities: completely avoid the day by treating it as any ordinary day, or spend the day focused on Jesus being their love and life partner.

All the above scenarios are true depictions of where the individual is at.  Yet, the reality remains the same...Valentine's Day is a day dedicated to all the couples in the world, and all the single people who desire marriage someday but who have not found 'the one' yet are left feeling isolated and forgotten about.

But, what if we have it all wrong?

What if Valentine's Day could be about more than just a romantic relationship?

What if Valentine's Day could be about LOVE?

Our culture and society views love as an object.  It is viewed as something that can be given, or taken away from at any given notice.  It is something that is accepted when you want it, and pushed away when you don't.  It is something that has lost its value.

What if that is not love?  What if love is so much more?

What if love represented something you do, not something you have?  What if love is something continual?  What if Love is a person?

All this contradicts what our society says about love, but it is exactly what love is.  If you go back into the Greek word for love, you will see that there are three main words for love.  Agape love.  Phileo love.  Eros love.  In English terms they are sacrificial love, brotherly love, and emotional love. And each word has a verb stem, which signifies an action.

From this, I understand that love is to be something we choose to do.  Not something that happens to be given to us.

In addition, the Bible says that God IS love (1 John 4:8).

So, if God is love, and love is something we do, then that changes how we see love, which then changes how we live life.

See, if Valentine's Day is a "day of love," then it ultimately comes down to this.  It is a day celebrating the love that God has for each and every human being.  Without Him, there is not love, because He is love.  And if it is a celebration of the love of God, then it should be expressed by showing the people around us that amazing, wonderful, sacrificial love.  Agape love.

Part of love involves the romantic "emotional" love couples share, but that is not all love is.  Love is all three aspects shown in the Greek words.  Therefore, this Valentine's day my resolve is to not sit back as a single lady wishing that I had a special man in my life to celebrate Eros love with.  That is a desire of my heart, yes, but that's not where God has me right now.  So, since Eros love is not the only type of love, this Valentine's day my resolve is to show my friends, family, and those around me Phileo love.  And, most importantly, this Valentine's day I pray that each and every person, whether single or not, will fully know the Agape love of Christ.  He loves you more than anyone else ever could.  He sacrificed His life because of that love.  His heart is for YOU.  His kind of love is unfailing and never ending, because He IS love and He can never stop being God.

Will you join me in my resolve?  This Valentine's day let's remember that it is so much more than one expression of love...it is about the entirety of LOVE...because His kind of love is reckless for us.

In Every Season

Change.  That is one word I dread.  One word that I fear.  One word that puts butterflies in my stomach.  One word I hate...

Throughout my life I've faced many different types of change, and you'd think that each time I would be able to cope a little better, but in reality the opposite happened.  With each change came a greater dread, a greater fear, a greater anxiety.

The past little while has found a new change thrown my way.  A change I've not really encountered before.  A change that does not change my physical surroundings like all my moves did, but rather it is changing life as I've known it...changing friendships...and leaving me feeling left behind.  

Each and every person goes through these types of changes.  It's life.  I'm not the first person to experience this...but while I know that in my head, my heart is struggling to know how to cope with it.  It's scary.  It's painful.  But, in the midst of the anxiety, in the midst of the confusion, and in the midst of the pain, I'm reminded that God is ALWAYS there.  He's in EVERY season of life.  

He knows about every season I find myself in...nothing surprises Him.  He's right there in the midst of everything, even when I can't see it because of the cloud of worry that is clouding my view.  He's there.  He's never left.  Maybe nothing will ever be the same again.  Maybe I will be left behind in the midst of the chaos.  Or maybe this is just a bump in the journey that will end with a realization that although changes are happening, it doesn't have to result in leaving behind a dear friendship.  Truth is, I don't know what the end of this season will look like, but God does.

Maybe I'm the only person who struggles with change, but I can't help but feel like I'm not.  So, if you are identifying with what I've written, know you are not alone.  Jesus sees the whole story of your life, and He will work everything out for the good of those who love Him, even if we can't see or understand how that will turn out.  

He is in every season.