Who Are You Listening To?

For a number of months, I've been thinking a lot about the importance of what we listen to, who we listen to, and how that affects how we live and the way we interact with others.

I've found myself in a season where I feel, in a way, that I've been looking at life from an outsiders perspective.  Through this season, I've come to realize some things regarding the power of words, and I've developed a passion to see a culture shift to see words build up instead of tear down.

Women are known for the way they interact through words.  Sadly, I've seen a lot of those words become gossip, including unintentional gossip.  I've wrestled with the question of how do I, or we, relate to others without gossiping.  It's not easy, nor is it a decision made with 100% immediate results.  It's a life choice that comes down to who, and what, we are listening to.

I've been in situations where I've had friends, who were mutual friends with other friends of mine, and in the course of a conversation, the name of another friend gets brought up.  I've had conversations come out of the blue to tell me a concern that one friend is having, but it relates to another friend.  I've struggled in the past with knowing how to relate in these types of situations because I want to show I care about the friend I'm talking to, but I also want to honour the other friend not in the conversation.  This has happened numerous times in my life, and guaranteed I'll face conversations like this again.  However, when God started opening my eyes to the culture I was creating in my life by participating in conversations like these, my heart broke.  Though my heart was to honour both friends, I in fact was dishonouring the friends who weren't present, by the fact that I was engaging in conversations that I had no right being part of.  It took a lot of determination and strength to recognize when conversations were about to take a swing into gossip territory and guide them into honourable conversations where I wasn't involved where I shouldn't be.

Sadly, I've been on both sides of the 'gossip train.'  I've contributed to it, and I've been hurt by it.  It's been in the hurt where I've come to see the error of the times I've contributed to the culture of gossip around me.  And it's also due to the hurt that I've made a resolve to be careful who I am listening to.

It's easy to listen to what others say about someone, and sadly what they say has influence to taint what we believe about someone.  Once I had a friend tell me how someone was telling them all these things about me and she said "I started siding with her and I started believing those things about you. But now, spending time with you, I see that you aren't like that at all."  See, hurt taints our view of others.  If someone has been hurt, the words they speak can easily come out tainted.  When someone else is exposed to those words, if their heart isn't guarded, what they pick up is the tainted view expressed.  When someone begins to speak about another person, take a moment to step out of the conversation.  What is their motive for bringing up the situation?  Is it out of love and compassion, or hurt?  Is it to honour or dishonour?  Is being part of that conversation something that you need to be part of?  More often than not, I've found that I don't need to be part of the conversation, so I've begun to guide the person back into relationship with who they are talking about.  This came out of an experience I encountered where offence was taken based off of what someone had said - something that was a perceived feeling and wasn't mutual.  Because of what someone had perceived to be real, they involved someone else, and bypassed the individual whom the perception was about.  I'll just say that it became a messy situation, that took months, if not years, to sort out.

So, who are you listening to?  What conversations are you having with the people in your life?  Are they conversations that are God honouring and that honour others who God has placed around you?  If, after honestly examining your heart, the answer is no, I'd suggest stepping back for a period of time, just you and the Lord, to bring clarity and an action plan to stop the enemy's divisive tactics in its tracks.

See, the Bible talks about how the tongue has the power of life and death (Prov 18:21).  It also talks about how the tongue is like the rudder on a boat (James 3).  A rudder steers a ship, and likewise the tongue steers our life.  James 3:10 says "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers and sisters, this should not be."

Earlier in the year I was reading through many of Paul's letters in the New Testament.  It seemed like every chapter I read, and every page I turned, everything pointed to God's heart for unity, peace, and to do away with division.  Proverbs 16:28 says "a gossip separates close friends."  Sadly, I've seen how true this is.  The enemy would love to see the body of Christ divided as a result of gossip - because once gossip is sown, it is difficult to stop.  (Think Veggie Tales and Larry Boy and the Rumor Weed!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYZDvY0Y4a4)

Can we make a choice to honour as God honours?  To love as God loves?  To view every conversation as an opportunity to encourage and build up?  I took a moment to look up Larry Boy and the Rumor Weed, and the end of the video is so powerful (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvmsYEdEqR0).  Will we make a choice to believe the best of people, and if we happen to hear something about them that we haven't heard from them directly, will we go to them and ask them about it?  Can we create a culture of truth instead of a culture of gossip?  See, we have the power of life and death in the words we speak.  Allow the words you sow to reap life.  Allow your life to be one that builds others up.  Someone's gotta stop this 'gossip train' in it's tracks - so let's allow God in us to spur us towards actively doing something to stop it.

NEVER Worth It, Yet ALWAYS Worth It

I had a thought come to me today that hit me hard and was too 'good' to not share.  Relationships are almost never worth it.  But, somehow they are always worth it.

I'm thankful for the voice God has given me on what I'm about to share, because I know that God takes ashes and makes them beautiful.  I know that someday my story of what God has brought me through will be a testimony that will see others walk through their own versions of what I've experienced and get to a place of victory and healing.

So, relationships are almost never worth it.  But, somehow they are always worth it.

What a contradiction.

Relationships are never worth the pain they bring.  They are never worth the agony that sometimes is felt.  They are never worth the tears that are shed when betrayal hits hard.  They aren't worth it when someone you value says they're done and don't want you in their life anymore.  They aren't worth the effort it takes to see healing that never seems to come.

As I've never been in a dating type relationship, or never been married, I only have friendship experiences.  But, I'm pretty certain those feelings can be felt in a dating relationship when one party hurts the other party, or in a marriage when a husband or wife acts in a manner that brings grief or sorrow to the other spouse.  And, believe me, if you haven't felt these things, you aren't human.  Every single person to ever live has walked through moments like those I mentioned.  And sadly, many even face things much worse in relationships that truly make them "not worth it."

So, if I just said relationships aren't worth it, how can I then say they ARE worth it?

Are they worth the pain they bring?  Are they worth the agony and tears that are shed?  Are they worth walking in the face of potential betrayal?  Are they worth it when in an instant it can end when someone says they could care less about you?  Are they worth the effort it takes to work through mistakes and failures and misunderstandings?  Are they worth the effort of working through things that you don't want to work through, but you know if you do healing will come?  Are they worth it at all?

Yes.

Yes, they are worth all that.  They are worth the risk.  Even if at the end of the day one party says goodbye, that relationship was STILL worth it.

It is worth it because it presents you with an opportunity to love deeply.  It is worth it because God created us with a desire...with a craving...to be in relationship, and by being in relationship we walk in the purpose God intended for our lives.  It is worth it because without it we would never experience the joy God intends to bring into our lives through that person.  It is worth it because even when pain comes, we grow and mature.  It is worth it because every single soul is WORTH IT.

When God created Adam, He didn't intend for Adam to walk in a world of sin.  Sin is what brings all the 'not worth its' above.  Sin is what causes the hurt, betrayal, mistakes, and division.  All those things we feel in those moments are not worth what we feel because if you look at relationships as an investment, all those things take withdrawals from the relationship.  The sheer amount of all those things we face during the course of a relationship can outweigh the joys.  Does that mean we regret the relationship or refuse to enter into relationship?!  NO WAY!

As I sat back today, thinking about all these things, looking at situations around me that 'withdraw' from my desire to enter into relationships, all I hear is God saying "Yes, it's ALWAYS worth it."  Though the things of this world take away from the life-bringing relationships God intends us to have, the amazing thing is that God is a relationship-building God.  When we yield our lives to Him, He brings unity.  He brings healing to those broken situations.  He brings joy in the morning.  He brings peace.  He brings hope.  He brings life.  He brings testimonies that could only be birthed in a place of pain.  He makes all the 'not worth its" worth it.  Because He died for each and every one of us.  So, if we are striving to live in the love that He demonstrated, then we too will see that every life is worth loving as Jesus loves.  That's the cry of my heart.  That despite the 'not worth its' that I've encountered, that I would still choose to say "It's worth it because God is doing something bigger than I can see.  It's worth it because without encountering the friends, future husband, and others that I'll be in relationship with, my life would be different because they bring something into the story of my life that is unique to them...it's something amazing and valuable.  It's worth it because I have the honour of loving deeply, and despite the earthly pain that risk takes, in heaven, that'll be worth it when we relate side by side in the unhindered presence of Jesus...where all sin and schemes of the enemy are destroyed and there is only unity in Christ.  That's worth it."