I've been
open. I've been vulnerable. I've shared pieces of my heart that are
fragile. Things I've always kept to myself. But I chose to bring
them to light...because I felt I was healing. I felt that season was
over. Done. Forever.
Yeah...not.
Here I find myself again. Going through the same thing I've gone through
since high school.
Having people you
care dearly about choose to walk away, choose to move on leaving you in the
dust hurts more than anything. I've always looked at it as worse than
death...because in death the person didn't choose to leave, but here in life
the person did choose to leave. They decided the relationship wasn't
worth it. Friendship was no longer their desire...
It hurts. I
really don't know what to say other than the fact that this latest blow has me
confused.
I've begun to
question if having friends is even worth it. Is joy of having a friend
for 6 months worth the pain that comes when they walk away? Is caring
about someone worth it? Sometimes I wonder if it really is. I mean
if this pattern is to continue than I don't think it is. But somehow I'll
continue trying. Continue being a friend. Continue loving...because
if I want to be more like Jesus I need to follow His example and love
everyone...even those that hurt me. Even those who reject me. Even
those who have up and walked out of my life.
Maybe one day
they'll look back on their lives and wish they hadn't walked away as fast as
they did. Who really knows. All I know in the process there are
many people they are hurting.
But despite the
pain, the hurt, the confusion I choose to stand tall. Somehow I pray God
will give me strength to endure the arrows life throws at me. It may be
hard, but I won't give in...I can't... Jesus please hold my heart...
