Hold My Heart

I've been open.  I've been vulnerable.  I've shared pieces of my heart that are fragile.  Things I've always kept to myself.  But I chose to bring them to light...because I felt I was healing.  I felt that season was over.  Done. Forever.

Yeah...not.  Here I find myself again.  Going through the same thing I've gone through since high school. 

Having people you care dearly about choose to walk away, choose to move on leaving you in the dust hurts more than anything.  I've always looked at it as worse than death...because in death the person didn't choose to leave, but here in life the person did choose to leave.  They decided the relationship wasn't worth it.  Friendship was no longer their desire...

It hurts.  I really don't know what to say other than the fact that this latest blow has me confused. 

I've begun to question if having friends is even worth it.  Is joy of having a friend for 6 months worth the pain that comes when they walk away?  Is caring about someone worth it?  Sometimes I wonder if it really is.  I mean if this pattern is to continue than I don't think it is.  But somehow I'll continue trying.  Continue being a friend.  Continue loving...because if I want to be more like Jesus I need to follow His example and love everyone...even those that hurt me.  Even those who reject me.  Even those who have up and walked out of my life. 

Maybe one day they'll look back on their lives and wish they hadn't walked away as fast as they did.  Who really knows.  All I know in the process there are many people they are hurting. 

But despite the pain, the hurt, the confusion I choose to stand tall.  Somehow I pray God will give me strength to endure the arrows life throws at me.  It may be hard, but I won't give in...I can't...  Jesus please hold my heart...