Feeling Slightly Homesick

It's been months since I have allowed the word "homesick" to even enter my mind.  After going back to Kamloops in January my current city felt like "home."  I have an amazing church.  My extended family lives close by.  I have met so many amazing people.  Each of these things made here feel like home.

But today for the first time since my trip in January I have felt "homesick."  Literally to the point where tears fill my eyes at the thought of it. 

I went to a store with my dad this evening and while I was there I browsed through the garden center...the following is what I wrote when I got home:

Sometimes there are things that come across my path that make me homesick. I begin to wonder if I truly did make the right decision. I miss the mountains. I miss the beautiful weather. I miss the fruit trees and grape vines. I miss having a large yard. I miss looking out our front window and being in awe of the beauty that surrounded me. I miss walking to work while hearing the birds chirp. I miss it being so hot that I could barely breathe. I miss seeing familiar faces. I miss knowing the people around me. I miss our neighbours. I miss Kamloops.

At the store I saw a grapevine.  In Kamloops we had a beautiful grape vine that was beginning to take over our deck railing.  I also saw a budding apple tree...I didn't even need to look at the type of fruit it was because I immediately could tell it was an apple blossom...  It also did not help that when we left the store I looked across the parking lot and saw what appeared to be mountain tops...they were the right colour, and shape...but they were rows of rooftops instead.  It's in moments like tonight that I am reminded of my life back in BC.  It's when I feel a loss for words at what I can't experience anymore.  I know there's a reason why I'm here...why I'm staying and not leaving again...but sometimes it's hard to see the bigger picture.

I have to remind myself that I can only see what is here and now.  I can only see what is before me in this moment.  I can't see down the road...I can't even see into tomorrow...but God can.  It's like a puzzle.  I can only see one or two pieces of the puzzle of my life.  I don't know where they go into the bigger picture, but as each piece begins to fit into place I can slowly see why the pieces were the way they are. 

It's comforting to know that even when I am facing moments where I do miss what was, that God has a greater plan for the present.  What was is a memory that I'll always cherish.  It's a memory I'll take with me throughout my life, but I'm making new memories now and someday I'll realize how the both the past and present fit into my future.