Some Rambling From My Heart...

I need to get something off my chest, so I'm just going to be real, blunt, and honest. 

I'll be the first one to say this move has not been an easy one for me, even though I had the ability to choose to come here or stay in Kamloops.  Change is never easy, even after going through this many times before. 

Yet despite the move and the change that it brought in my life, and despite my hope and prayer to get into the BSN in Kamloops next fall I am here and there is a fine line I must walk upon.

You see, yeah, I've been having a really rough time with everything that has gone on, and I know it is important to embrace the here and now (or like the old saying says "bloom where I am planted") but I can't be expected to forget overnight.  I can't be expected to pick up my bags, leave everything and everyone behind and completely forget about it forever.

Lately I've been facing two very different groups of people. 

First and foremost there are the supporters.  These are the people I am so grateful to God for.  They have honestly been overwhelming me.  They are the people who are excited for me.  The ones who are encouraging me that good things will come out of this move, and they believe in me and the new dreams and adventures that are unfolding in my life.  So, for all you "supporters" (you know who you are) THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart.  You have absolutely no clue how much your words of encouragement mean to me!  You have blessed me more than I can begin to describe!

But life always brings the naysayers.  The people who either knowingly, or unknowingly hurt or discourage you from being who you really are.  These so called "unsupporters" for a lack of a better term have come from the last place I would have expected them to...and that has been really hard.  These are the people who have made this transition tough.  They have put an expectation upon myself, my siblings, and my parents, that honestly is unrealistic.  I'm sorry, but there is no possible way that I can or will leave everything I have known behind never to think about it again. 

So, you see, there is a balance that must be made.  I know I need to work harder at appreciating what I have, even if it is in SK!  The thing is I LOVE the people here, I just don't love the fact that it is so far away from Kamloops and all the other people I love.  The thing is that I don't need to be told "embrace now" or "why would you want to go back to Kamloops" and so on.  I just need someone to be those supporters...the ones who will encourage me that despite how tough it is right now, I will get through this.  Don't tell me to forget.  Please don't make it seem that by talking about Kamloops and my friends there that I'm living in the past.  I am trying hard to enjoy what I had while trying to fit what was into the picture of what is.  Leave the future out of it right now.  Yeah, I'm planning on going back, but that's in ten months.  Right now I'm just trying to figure out what God has for me here.  I'm just trying to figure out the purpose in this pain.  And when I go back, that will all be in God's timing and if that's where He will have me, leave it to Him to guide and direct me.  Please don't try to tell me that there is something wrong with desiring to go where I really truly feel He would have me to go...

So, here I am...a SK, AB, BC, SK girl who is trying to see the beauty in the ashes of change.  And for all my new SK friends (again, you know who you are!) thank you for being here.  I don't know you all very well yet, but I am thankful that God allowed me to meet every single one of you.  You all have made this transition easier, and I look forward to getting to know you all better!

Sorry this was so long.  If you have read all the way to this point, thank you for hearing my heart out.  Sometimes it just helps to let it all out...