THIS Is Home

I just recently got back from spending a week with my youngest sister Stacie in our old city.  I was really nervous to go back because I had a great fear that if I went back to visit, all the progress I have made in adjusting to my new city would be reversed again.  I was so nervous in fact that I didn't even want to go, but if I didn't go, Stacie couldn't go, so I went.  I know that when I was her age and had moved from AB to BC I would have loved to have an older sister who would go with me back "home" to visit.  So, I tried to be that big sister to Stacie. 

We took the bus to BC, and when we started getting closer to Kamloops, I started to recognize the place I used to call home.  The place I lived for 9 years.  I really didn't expect to feel what I felt though.  Sure, everything was familiar, but I felt no sense of "home".  I honestly don't know how to describe it.  It was like my head was there but my heart wasn't.  It was the weirdest feeling!  There I was totally expecting to never want to leave, but I was in fact feeling the exact opposite.  A visit was great, but I didn't want to stay for longer than that. 
Finally, the thing that hit me the hardest...even more so than not feeling at home...was the reality that hit me when I met up with some of the people there.  I went to one of my friends for dinner one night, and a bunch of others came over as well.  I knew them all, except for one, but other than my one friend Rachelle, I either didn't know them well, or hadn't seen them in close to a year and had been out of touch.  It was great to see them, don't get me wrong, it's just that a familiar feeling came over me when I was with them.  A feeling that took me off guard. 

As I was sitting in the living room I felt very nervous and awkward.  I am a quiet person by nature, but I constantly felt like I had to say something and that if I didn't I would be either rejected or looked down upon.  As I sat there feeling this, something hit me.  Pretty much most of my time in Kamloops I had felt that.  I really only had maybe 3 close friends throughout the duration of the time I lived there who I didn't feel that around.  The thing is that all of a sudden I realized something.  In the entire 5 months I have lived in SK, I have never, ever felt that! 

My trip to Kamloops really opened my eyes to the fact that I am exactly where God wants me.  Everything from not feeling at home, to the knowledge that I feel so comfortable around the people here showed me that.  In Kamloops, I really didn't ever feel the acceptance that I have felt here in 5 months.  The people here are so open and welcoming.  When I got here they opened up their lives to me, and have made me feel at home.  I am grateful for my time in Kamloops, for the people I met, and the experiences I went through.  Yet, when it all comes down to it, that season of my life is over.  I am exactly where God wants me to be.  And it feels great!

Yesterday I shared a the song "Home" by Natalie Grant.  I heard it for the first time on my way home and it really spoke to everything I was feeling about my trip to Kamloops.  For so long I was that "pretty princess with a broken crown."  I felt alone...even in the midst of a crowd.  But like the chorus says "[I] need to know [I'm] home."  The things that once made me cry now bring me joy and laughter!  I am HOME!  "The pain is undone, and [I'm] finally belonging."  I am so thankful God brought me here and that it feels so right!

THIS is home!